The Virgin Diaries
Steve the Psychiatrist

Hi! I really can’t put into words how much your sweet responses and comments mean to me. I am so blessed that God has allowed me to be apart of this and wanted to thank you all for reading and sharing this blog. Please feel free to share any of your stories, comments, observations, criticisms, anything at all with me! I love hearing from you guys.

On another note, I wanted to remind you girls that there are good guys out there! Some of the coolest, most attractive, funniest, smartest guys I know are either waiting for their future bride or waited until their wedding night! So, BE STRONG and keep the faith! You will find him in God’s perfect timing!

Moving on. Happy 50-70% off Valentine’s Day candy day! Let’s talk about Steve the Psychiatrist. 

One night, after I had just finished this great, super intense cycling class I wanted nothing more than to relax and de-stress my poor legs. Side note: I would have used my gym’s sauna, but I’m not the biggest fan since no one uses proper ‘Sauna Etiquette’:

  • Bring a towel. Even if it’s a nude sauna, no one wants your bum sweat or curly q’s on the wood bench.
  • If you are a bit stinky, rinse off. We are in a small-enclosed area, and the heat magnifies your stank.
  • Please don’t stretch. (I don’t think this needs an explanation.)
  • Don’t make eye contact. We’re not in there to make friends.
  • Space out. There is no need to be all up on someone else.
  • Starting a conversation is not necessary.
  • The sauna is not a nail salon; please don’t trim your toenails.

Since I nixed the sauna, I decided to go relax in the hot tub at my apartment complex. As luck would have it, I was alone. Thank goodness. I put on my “Chillin’ Out Max & Relaxing All Cool” playlist (please know the reference) and slipped into my happy place. You know how you can feel when someone is staring at you? Well, they were. I have no idea how long he had been there, but Steve the Psychiatrist had made his way into the hot tub. Here is a quick reminder about Steve:

STEVE THE PSYCHIARTRIST: Steve is sure that I have buried sexual hang-ups that I cannot or will not face, because who in their right mind (and in the 21st century) would choose to wait.

STEVE: “I bet you have daddy issues. Here is my card. I could really help you work through this.”

Side note: Since I brought up ‘Sauna Etiquette’, I feel as if I should mention  proper ‘Hot Tub Etiquette’:

  • Hot Tubs are not bathrooms. Keep your bodily fluids to yourself.
  • Stay out if you have open sores. Gross.
  • No posteriors for posterity. You are not paparazzo, don’t take pictures.
  • This ‘Hot Tub’ is G-Rated. I don’t want to see all that junk, all that junk inside yo’ trunks.

Back to the story: As I opened my eyes, much to my horror, I see a very thin, pale man, straight up, staring at my boobs….(in high pitched sing-song tone) awwk-ward!

And then, it spoke.

Suddenly, I felt like I was in the middle of an SNL sketch. I was in the hot tub with Will Ferrell’s character Roger Clarvin, and he was hoping I was his lov-ah, Virginia (Rachel Dratch). 

STEVE: Well, hello there.

I hoped not responding would lead him to believe I was deaf.

STEVE (con’t): I have not seen you down here, but I have seen you around…

It did not.

STEVE (con’t): …in your windows.

ME: Excuse me?

STEVE: Forgive me, I have been known to use sexual innuendos in my practice, because I’m a doctor.

ME: Oh I thought you said you saw me in my window.

STEVE: No, no, innuendos. You don’t seem to have many lovah’s.

ME: I’m sorry, but have we met?

STEVE: Forgive me, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Steve Boehner, but you can call me Dr. Steve.

The awkward silence prodded him on.

STEVE: Tell me your name?

ME: I don’t wanna.

STEVE: Pleased to meet you Ida. Now, Whana, is that…

ME: …Hindu.

STEVE: Ah, yes. I took a Hindu class in college. I studied with the Rosetta Stone.


STEVE: Did you say something? What kind of doctor?


STEVE: I’m a sexual healer. A therapist of sorts. Some may refer to me as a psychiatrist but I like to think of myself as the gateway to pleasure town. 

ME: I’m sorry?

STEVE: May I share something with you?

ME: I’m just really trying to –

STEVE: Do you not find when one first enters the warm, rolling waters of the ha-tub, is it not unlike your first encounter with a new lov-ah?

ME: Um, I don’t, but I guess I will find out when I get married.

STEVE: Are you telling me you’re a Virgitarian? An emerging virgin? A holder of the V-Card?

ME: Yep. I’m A VBC.

STEVE: A VBC? I’m not familiar with the term.

After a second of contemplating this, Steve devises a “brilliant plan.(I use the term brilliant loosely).

STEVE (con’t): Okay, oh—okay, I’m willing to help you out with this neurosis.

ME (laughing): Neurosis? Really?

STEVE:Yes. In my professional opinion, I believe you are phallophobic—you’re afraid of the penis.

Annnd we’ve reached a whole new level of awkward hilarity. Let the diagnosis begin.

STEVE: Daddy issues?

ME: No.

STEVE: Ah, Vaginismus, the vagig has grown closed?

ME: Nope, don’t have snap dragon in my pants.

STEVE: Are you libido intolerant?

ME: What is - what does that even mean?

STEVE: You body is rejecting it’s natural animal instincts.

ME: Au contraire baby, I’m randy. (know the reference)

STEVE: Germaphobe?

ME: What do you call a germ who wants to have a good time? A Fungi.

Undeterred by my quick wit, he keeps going. 

STEVE: Ohhhh, no. Ida, Ida, Ida, dare I ask, this is not, don’t tell me it’s a — a morality issue? A choice?

ME: VBC means ‘Virgin by Choice’, so yes, it is a choice.  

Here was my chance to school the scholar.

ME: Okay, let me try and put this in real simple terms. Would you rather have a piece of fruit that several people have already take a bite from? OR, would you rather have your very own, picked fresh from the tree, juiciest, firmest, supple, most delicious apple?

STEVE: Must it be an apple? Could I, maybe, have my very own fruit salad……

I won’t make you guys suffer anymore. 

I do agree with Steve in one sense, sex is psychologically delicate. Doctors will tell you that men are visual and women are emotional. To me, sex is the most intimate sharing of ones self. The Bible puts it so clear, “and two shall become one” (Mark 10:8). If you pretend sex is, as Steve says, just an “animal instinct” that must be satisfied, you will be left feeling so empty inside because you gave away the real you to someone who put on a false front.

 We get a glimpse of true, genuine, unfailing love when we see God’s compassion through the manhood of Jesus. True love is God’s love. His love has no ulterior motives, no hidden agenda, no strings attached. It’s perfect. That’s pretty stinkin’ awesome.  

 For me, waiting is my way of showing the man God has for me, that I am in this for the long haul. It’s my commitment to our life together. Plus, I know, the sex is going to be awesome. I’m pretty excited (half immature laugh) for my wedding night… the honeymoon… and every day after that (high five). So, until then, I will continue to increase my flexibility and build up my cardio endurance, so it will be all kinds of smokin’ hott as we, to quote the great Marvin Gaye, “GET IT ON” (bow-chicka-wow-wow)!

 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins … And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. - 1 John 4:10, 16


Harry the Hater

Hi guys! I’m so sorry it’s been forever since I posted anything. The last two months of my, and my families, life have been devoted to planning, decorating, editing, booking, assembling and rehearsing.. all to make sure my baby sister had to most perfect wedding day. To say Caroline and Blake’s wedding was beautiful, does not do it justice. Their wedding was special. Something I could never adequately describe but, one of Caroline and Blake’s best friends and super talented writer, Nolen Smith, paints the perfect picture of their incredible day in his blog: “The Will to Walk” (Read it, you won’t be disappointed!)

Now that my proud older sister bragging is finished, I think it’s time to talk about Harry the Hater. Here is a quick reminder about Harry:

HARRY THE HATER: Harry believes that I must be a religious zealot who uses religion as a wall to avoid intimacy. What Harry is unaware of is that, in the limo, between the church and the reception, IT IS ON!

If you’ve never met a Harry, you’ve heard of him, or someone like him. You can usually find him sitting in a coffee shop listening to his-own music, or at some underground, hole-in-the-wall bar you’ve never heard of. Girls: if you’re wearing vintage mixed with Forever 21 and reading a book by Nietzsche, be careful, he will try and jump your bones, but not before he mocks or insults you.

I think of my Harry the Hater, as Bill Maher donning Ray Bay Wayfarer’s and skinny jeans. 

So, when Harry and I met, needless to say, we had a hairy situation on our hands.

I was working on a small independent film a few years back. We were running a skeleton crew, so everyone got really close. *Side note: For those of you who don’t know what a skeleton crew is, it’s a very small number of people needed to make and run a film.* It was there, on this set, when I met Harry. And, no I did not have a Meg Ryan/Billy Crystal romantic comedy “meet cute” moment, that would have been funny though.

A local bar we had been filming at invited us to come out, on them, for the evening. It was pretty standard conversation within our group, “What’s your next project?” “What have you worked on before?” “Do you write, direct, produce, act…” “You might recognize me from such feature films as……” and so on. Harry’s attitude completely changed when I started talking about the documentary I was writing, “The Virgin Diaries”.

I’m not sure what made Harry more uncomfortable, the fact I was saving myself or that my abstinence was based on a promise I made to my Lord and Savior.

Let me explain, Harry‘s different from a lot of guys I’ve met. Attractive at first glance, but as you get to know him, he’s not much to look at. He claims he is a nonconformist, subversive, and unaffected by society’s opinions and view. But, the moment he interrupts me, with his classy eye roll, and says, “Ohh, you’re one of those…..”, we meet the real Harry.

For the record, I don’t think Harry was ever trying to get in my pants; he just wanted to tell me how wrong I was. 

Here are a few excerpts (my favorites) from our little chat:

Harry: Your God created us as sexual beings, He wants us to ‘love’ each other…that’s what the bible says, right?

Harry: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion. Get it?

Harry: Like Cher said, “You can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime you can have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” 

Harry: Don’t give me your “holier than thou” virgin attitude. Ugh, all of you people are the same. It’s like Bill Maher says, “Religions are maintained by people. People who can’t get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can’t get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that’s what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can’t get or don’t want or aren’t any good at sex itself.”

Apparently, Harry is a fountain of quotes and useless information.

So, since Harry thinks I am this mega right-winged Christian wacko, I wanted to approach this in a way his simple-mind could understand:

“Reasons to abstain if Jesus is taken out of the equation.”

Sex means different things to different people. To Harry, sex is like a can of Pringles… “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.” He believes the mind and body are miraculous, and those who “wait” are extreme and ridiculous. Harry’s motto: “Why wait… fornicate!”

All too often, sex doesn’t happen at the right time. It’s too casual. Too easy. Too fleeting. And to some, too insignificant. Sure, your bodies might be in sync, but your mind isn’t. You might be thinking one thing, but know he, or she, is thinking another. In the end, one of you will end up hurt. Has anyone ever told you his or her relationship was saved because “the sex is so great”?

So, here are some good, non-religious, reasons to “Hold out for Mr. Right”:

1. Filtration of Jerks: Early on, any guy that starts throwing down mad game and suggests moving to the bedroom is in it for sex, and sex alone. You might lose the guy if you tell him “No” but do you really want to be with someone who was that impatient with sex?

2. The Pursuit of Happiness: Girls: don’t you want a man to peruse you like Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice?! Their relationship gradually developed over time, as they got to know one another, on a personal rather than an intimate level. “My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” Mr. Darcy’s love was so strong that knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ms. Bennett. This proves that his love went beyond the physical. He loved her enough to wait for her. Start your love story off right.

3. Your body will be germ free and you will love it. Let’s look at some stats on STD’s in the U.S. Right now.

  • One in four college students have an STD. That works out to over 50% of our population have an STD at some point in their life.
  • 19 Million new sexually transmitted infections occur each year, most half among 15-to 24-year-olds. 
  • STDs may cause serious, life-threatening complications including cancers, infertility, ectopic pregnancy, spontaneous abortions, stillbirth, low birth weight, neurologic damage, and death.
  • Number of People Affected in U.S.:
  • Chlamydia: 1,244,180 million new cases each year

    Trichomoniasis: 7.4 million new cases each year

    Gonorrhea: 301,174 new cases each year

    Genital Warts (HPV): 6.2 million new cases each year

    Genetial Herpes: 1 million new cases each year

    Hepatitis B: 4,500 new cases each year

    Syphilis: 13,997 new cases each year

    HIV: 1 Million, with as many as 45,000 new AIDS cases each year.

4. The only kind of baby you will have is a food baby; (definition) a person who indulges in a large amount of food which makes their stomach stick out as if they’re prego.

5. It is not true that if you don’t *use* it, you *lose* it.

6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Unfortunately, if you ask any guy that has been apart of a one-night stand, he almost never calls a girl back. And whether it’s fair or not, those same guys will lose all respect for you.

7. Lastly, do you want to change your, or your families, life in one moment of passion?

Whenever you find yourself in a sexual situation, ask, “How will I feel when this is over?”

Guys like Harry are going to mock and satirize you in a sarcastic, ‘ironic’ manner. This is a classic example of ‘sour grapes’ because, deep down (immature laughter), Harry is very bitter and jealous that he has totally failed at creating an original identity of his own. Rather than find his identity in Christ, Harry chooses to believe no deities exist and must instead, recycle the used “trends”, or better, the movement and concepts of past generations.

Harry and I will never share the same views, and that makes me very sad, but I will continue to pray for Harry, and those like him.


Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2

Ed the Ego Man

Happy 2012 friends! I suppose it is time to pick up where we left off with another entry in The Virgin Diaries. I want to start off the New Year on a positive note, so here it goes…

On New Years Eve I met old friends in Dallas, where we rung in the New Year seeing Wade Bowen at Gilley’s. Little did I know, on that wooden dance floor, I would meet the man of my dreams. As Wade Bowen and the band played “Trouble”, our eyes met in passing for the first time. I looked away; embarrassed he caught me, but I still saw the smile on his rugged face.

While the music played on, I peeked over the shoulder of my current dance parter, to see if I could spot him boot scootin’ across the dance floor. Then, at that same moment, I felt a soft tap on my shoulder, and there he stood. Butterflies flooded my stomach as he asked me if he could cut in. In that perfect moment, he took my hand and spun me into him. I’m not sure if it was the magic of the moment or the bottles strewn over the dance floor that landed me face first, apparently crashing into the stage. Eventually I awoke, realizing none of this happened. My Mr. Rough n’ Ready was just a figment of my imagination. And unfortunately, starting off the New Year with the wrong kind of bang (no pun intended). 

There is a reason for this sappy love story, I swear. you see, during this daydream, I was actually tuning out Ed the Ego Man.

**Disclaimer: These stories are compilations from various conversations I have had. The names and situations have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved. Also, when I go out, I do not make an over-the-top, “ta-da” entrance announcing my virginity to see the type of dudes I can attract.**

You might remember Ed from my first entry, but just in case: 

ED THE EGO MAN: This guy takes my virginity personal, like virgins everywhere are launching a personal attack on his life choices. He assumes I, the virgin, am sitting in judgement of of the notches in his bedpost and immediately picks a fight, while letting me know he is NOT contagious. 

ED: “Dude, there are a million chicks whose clothes would fall off the second they got a look at all this (while biting his lower lip and attempting to do a sexy body roll).

Ed is confident. He looks all kinds of good. He is so cool. He runs his hands though his hair and absent-mindedly makes you want him. He thinks all of Taylor Swifts songs are written about him. His ego is greater than an Italians love for wine.

Ed’s problem with me is that I don’t share his views on sex. He can’t wrap his head (inappropriate laughter) around why I would choose to wait. He won’t let it go. He can’t let it go. He must convince me to step over to the dark side, which would validate the lifestyle and choices he has made. It’s a huge blow to his ego that I won’t hop on the good foot and do the bad thing (uh thank you…please know the reference). 

Our conversation goes something like this:

ED: Once upon a time, everyone was a virgin…

ME: Yes, that’s true.

ED: I know you are a spiritual person, c’mon, take this leap of faith.

ME: (turns to exit) Oh woooow.

ED: Are you afraid one night with me will irreparably damage you? I have great references, if that would make you feel better.

ME: (sincere laughter) I’m feeling pretty good, thanks though.

ED: Okay, listen; I don’t know why you’re judging me. You’rethe virgin. 

ED (CONT): (cocky) Girl, I put the STD in stud. That came out wrong. However, I read somewhere that German researchers are close to a breakthrough ointment that will reduce the pain from excruciating to dull, never mind.

I think Ed’s self-referenced and self-centeredness stems from a fear of rejection or a lack of trust when it comes to love. He needs me to agree with him that sexual promiscuity is okay, even normal. When I won’t agree, I reject everything he stands for. Ed genuinely believes that I should be worshiping gratefully at his feet, for at least one night. Unfortunately for Ed, that spot is taken as I choose to worship at the feet of my Lord and Savior. 

I’m just as afraid as Ed when it comes to rejection and falling in love. But my fear subsides in knowing that I am loved and accepted perfectly in the eyes of my Father. And I am hopeful that, as I continue to wait, God will reveal His perfect plan for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11